Dubai Design Approval Process

(from a recent cracked article)

Mister Blandings

One of my favorite films celebrated its 61st anniversary this month.



If you're a designer, builder, developer, agent, or hobbyist; you should see this film.

Starring Cary Grant, Myrna Loy, Melvyn Douglas as the Lawyer and Reginald Denny as the Architect.

In the Spring of 1948, 73 identical houses were raffled off as a promotion for the film.



Based on Eric Hodgins' novel of the same name, there have been many imitations of this film over the years, but none with the same charm and chemistry as the original.

The original house that was the basis for the book still stands in New Milford, Connecticut.

Architecture Rap

Classic 80s synth/pop/rap/hip-hop/groove/beat.

Bonus: Great British curmudgeons in bowler hats at :50 sec



This originally aired on 10/30/1987.

Best of the Worst Reviews

Below are a just few of the best one-star reviews from Amazon.com. These are reproduced exactly, so I will avoid using "sic".



Great Gatsby

"Gatsby is the miz an and daisy is a sliz to the iz ut. Scott Fitzgerald i wish u were alive so i could kill u. Love DGS!!!"

Wizard of Oz

"the wort movie ive ever seen .I mean they clorized once color tv came out and there special effects are lame ,the costumes are ugly the props are ugly so never buy this film!!!!"

To Kill A Mockingbird

"This book is the worst book in the world. I read half way through the book and gave up because it made no sence"

Casablanca

"I expected a lot more action. I’m pretty sure I will enjoy it a lot more when Warner Bros finally gets around to releasing the colorized version, the way this movie needs to be seen - the world is not black and white, why should our movies be?"
"... Also Ingrid Bergman is no Maryland Monroe."

The Jungle

"Bad book toooo manyyyy words n not enough pitures"
"This book is fun for its first two-thirds, what with the rats and all."

Schindler's List

"Mr. S should stick with kiddie flicks like ET - although even there he was cruel to the actress who performed inside the ET suit."

Moby Dick

"Moby Ick's more like it. A PIECE-O-TRASH! SENSELESS"

Sound of Music

"This movie was made in the sixties, we live in the 21st century, GET OVER IT!"

Huckleberry Finn

"Twain has over used words once again. I wish someone would have told him that it's quality, not quantity."

Lord of the Flies

"Not sence reading the crystal Star and the Black Fleet Crisis Trilogy have i detested a book! If you want the point of the book watch the Simpsons parody."

Lawrence of Arabia

"I am used to seeing movies with fast action or at least a good story. This movie has neither. Some british guy goes to the mideast and fights with turks. The screenplay never explains why he would do that."

Rabbit Run

"Uggh!!! Updike can't write worth spit! This is just pure junk. Not only is it dull, but it's about nobodies. A total waste!"

Singin' in the Rain

"Sorry folks, but this is the biggest BORE-FEST I have ever seen. The plot is cheesy and uninteresting. The acting is old-school ham"
"I have now seen 1 musical so you cant say, 'well you have never seen one' when I say I hate musicals."

Microsoft "rocks"

It's really not surprising Microsoft is suffering a massive PR hemorrhage.
Particularly when you see leaked movies like this designed to educate internal operatives on techniques to force, urge, cajole, convince, beg companies to buy Vista.

How did this get produced?
Did anyone at Redmond hear the pitch? Read the script? Watch the rough cuts?
If a media company, no matter how "mom and pop," was hired by Microsoft to make this, wouldn't they feel any compunction to advise their client against it?



Well, who's to argue with "Bruce ServicePack and the Vista Street Band" when they claim that "selling optimized desktop value is a pitch that never fails"? There's a whole lotta microspeak in this 3-minute gem.

Also, although it doesn't seem possible, I have it on good authority that this movie is not a joke.

I love the CEO saying "Vista, Gotta Get Me Some!" Classic.

Charting the Eighties

We've all been subjected to terrible powerpoint presentations,
We've all suffered data fatigue in our share of darkened conference rooms.

My colleague/co-founder at Reelpunk, and I were marveling this very afternoon at how Keynote can make even the most banal data look pretty appealing. All it takes is a little self restraint to keep the data to a minimum. As a test, we took the most abstract subject matter as a test.
We decided to create graphic representations of some of the pop-iest tunes from the eighties.
We resisted applying any fancy transitions, soundtracks, or animations, in order to just focus on what the "data" was telling us.

Click on the image below to dim the lights and begin the presentation.



There were many songs that didn't make the final cut, and we decided to withhold songs from other decades for future posts.

Truth in Advertising

We went out on a limb this week and tried the "Super Yogurt" at Wegmans.



After all, who am I to dismiss a product called Super-anything?
After a few lunches worth of these, I can say that they taste pretty good, although a bit "zingier" than their other sour milk offerings. I will leave the long-winded reviews to people who know more about yogurt than I. (yogurt-savvy, if you will)

The packaging is a welcome departure from most staid Wegman's branded products, with it's vacuum shrunk plastic casing, made popular by the revolutionary one-off milk bottles in the late nineties.

But it's what's on the top label that is a little disconcerting.

That's right....BILLION, as in three commas and ten digits.
There are 1,430,000,000 of these -whatever they are- swimming around in an 8-ounce tank. This makes sea-monkeys look like a home-school glee club.
It's ok if don't trust me, you can count them.... i'll wait.

This number seems terrifyingly specific to me. After all, once you're over a million, wouldn't it suffice to simply state: "we stopped counting, trust us though, there's a crap-load!"

Not only do six of these containers contain more wigglies than the human race, they only counted the "Live and Active" cultures. So all of the cultures that were too lazy to get up from their recliners and turn off their X-boxes are not on the list.

In fact, I just recently got ahold of the recent micro-biotic census form that was used to calculate this cess-pool. Here are some interesting excerpts:

Question #245:
How long have you been a culture?
Question #654:
Have you recently relocated from another 8-ounce container?
Question #689:
How long have you been in yogurt?
Question #750:
Are you pro-biotic or anti-biotic?
Question #904:
How many thousands of children do you have?
Question #904b:
Are they all in yogurt? (this could really save us alot of time)
Question #1042:
Do you consider yourself "active"?
Question #1042b:
If yes, when was the last time you touched your toes?
Question #1042c:
If no, do you even have toes?

Upon closer inspection, I think that I have traced the source of the afore mentioned "zingy-ness". It can in all likely-hood be attributed to the "beef gelatin" and "fish oil" additives. That sure is "Super!"

Who Has The Time?

I am a movie buff. I love old movies and have a pretty good collection.*
But let's all be honest... who can sit through a 110 minute movie these days?
What, with all that Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS) going around.

Here are some brilliant 5 second versions of movies. There's a whole list of them. I'll just post my favorites below:

Princess Bride


Harry Potter (All of them)


Titanic


Fargo


Monty Python and the Holy Grail


Rocky 1,2,3,4,5,6...


Warning: The following clip contains a few descriptive words which may not be cubicle safe.
Although, If you've already scrolled down this far, it's far more likely that the concept of employment escapes you anyway, so go ahead... click away.

The Big Lebowski


Each of these clips is probably 1 second longer than the pitch was to the producers.

*Anyone willing to challenge in TCM Scene It or Trivial Pursuit Silver Screen Edition... Bring it!

Our New Album

Here's is a pre-release of the cover art of our band's new album.




Ok I'm joking. I don't have a sitar band named "Silat Bongsu", and we don't have an album called "Oppression Can Only Survive Through Silence", and I don't even know who this guy is. (although he seems like an interesting bloke)

But, if you ever wondered how artists come up with album covers, here's a good example:

Get the name of your band here.

Get the name of your album here.

And get the album cover art here.

(Edit) Clarification: Every time you click on one of these links you get a random wiki, quote, or photo set. No, I'm not sending you to some obscure wikipedia page.

Trajan at the Movies

A funny movie about what happens when a good typeset goes bad.

My Contribution to Annual Top-Ten Lists

I didn't want to be left out of all the list-making going at the end of one year and the beginning of the next.

The year of 2007 brought us some unbelievably inane objects, which blended technology, entertainment, and good old fashioned kitsch. I need to clarify that all of these products are real, and available to purchase. I make no assertions as to their market value or ability to improve your "quality of life".
I'm going to put the links to the products below, but be aware, many of them are not in english and are subject to redirection.

Without further ado, here's my list of

The Worst Tech Gadgets of 2007

#10 Celular Jewelry


Because having a cel phone that cries out your affinity for Fergie's "lovely lady lumps" whenever someone beckons, just isn't annoying enough. Now there is jewelry that will flash and light up letting the world know you are important enough to have a phone call.


#9 Touch-less Paper Towel Dispener


Yes, we are just THAT lazy.


#8 Weather Forecasting Umbrella


I'm going way out on a limb here, but I'm guessing that if you have your umbrella open, you probably already know what the weather is like.


#7 USB Putt Returner


There really is no end to what we can power with the 5 volts that comes out of the USB ports of our computers.


#6 Toshiba Wearable Home Theatre


If you don't have the neck and shoulder muscles of Hulk Hogan, you WILL after watching a movie under this monstrosity. Imagine spending enough time under this thing to watch, say... Lord of the Rings, whew. And yes, I do think that is Jeff Goldblum under that thing.


#5a Toilet Tunes




#5b iPod Toilet Paper Dispenser


This is really a two-way tie. Both of these products will ensure that you don't go a spare minute without your Lynyrd Skynard.


#4 Potty Putter


I was so amazed at this offer, I had to force myself to stop dialing and put the phone down. I mean, it comes with a free "Do Not Disturb" sign!


#3 USB Humping Dogs


All good taste aside, I'm really disappointed that the designers of this gem missed such an incredible opportunity. These could have been designed as flash drives that acted upon the data being transferred over the USB. Talk about "Special Delivery"! Instead, they really serve no purpose other than to defile your laptop through it's USB port.


#2 Virtual Bubble Wrap


I am a huge fan of bubble-wrap. I squish it, step on it, roll on it... wrap myself in it and jump off tall buildings... but the best is simply to pop one bubble every 45 seconds or so, while in the vicinity of someone with a nervous tick. This might be just the device to cure that craving. Imagine being able to pop-pop-pop without ever having to ship or receive any packages.


And the award for the most intrusive use of technology goes to.....



#1 Nabaztag
This creepy little appliance has jumped straight out of an incomprehensible japanese kids cartoon and onto your desktop. It's the perfect loud-mouth accessory for the privacy-optional generation. It Moves! It Lights Up! It Wiggles Its Ears! All to tell you that you have email, or someone "dugg" your Myspace.


USB Humping Dog
iPod Toilet Paper Dispenser
USB Put Returner
Cellular Jewelry
Touchless Paper Towel Dispenser
Weather Forecasting Umbrella
Puchi Puchi
Potty Putter
Toilet Tunes
Nabaztag

Christmas Albums

I'll admit, nothing gets me in the holiday mood like a good Nat King Cole standard.

One thing that I miss during these hectic holidays of the digital era?
Records, real vinyl LPs, with various christmas cover art, strewn across the living room floor in front of the Hi-Fi.

There are so very few holiday songs, that many simply become variations on a theme. Not all of the records, therefor can be winners, like Nat King Cole's Christmas Song.

A few christmas albums stand out for shear desperation alone. Those tied to TV shows, or merchandising like the Brady Christmas debacle, or The Chipmunks. (my ears are ringing from the memory of it)

But here are a few albums that I can't quite remember being in the pile of Christmas platters.

Christmas With Colonel Sanders
aka "A Finger Lickin' Christmas"


The Year Without Santa Claus, by Carol Channing
Her voice... really melts all those tensions away after a crazy day at the mall.



A Star Wars Christmas
Attempts to answer that age old question: "What can you get a Wookie for Christmas?"



And of course, Liberace is a walking snow angel on the cover of his "Twas the Night Before Christmas.



I'm sure if we did have these albums, we would've worn the grooves right down from overplaying them....

....or they would have just melted because someone (who shall remain nameless) left them too close the fireplace.

The solution to all of your advertising problems

This is going to put alot of people out of work.

I think the AIGA is looking into it. Hopefully they can shut them down.

The Original iPod

Apparently, a 1930 inventor had the idea for a sound system you could take with you well before Sony, Phillips, Apple, etc.

Money Quote:

"...may be worn without any convenience to the wearer."

Indeed, just as long as you don't tilt your head more than 15 Degrees. I've seen people in head-gear looking more casual than this. As a bonus, the protruding horn assures that your particular fondness for Spike Jones is enjoyed by everyone.

-Via Modern Mechanics