Microsoft "rocks"

It's really not surprising Microsoft is suffering a massive PR hemorrhage.
Particularly when you see leaked movies like this designed to educate internal operatives on techniques to force, urge, cajole, convince, beg companies to buy Vista.

How did this get produced?
Did anyone at Redmond hear the pitch? Read the script? Watch the rough cuts?
If a media company, no matter how "mom and pop," was hired by Microsoft to make this, wouldn't they feel any compunction to advise their client against it?



Well, who's to argue with "Bruce ServicePack and the Vista Street Band" when they claim that "selling optimized desktop value is a pitch that never fails"? There's a whole lotta microspeak in this 3-minute gem.

Also, although it doesn't seem possible, I have it on good authority that this movie is not a joke.

I love the CEO saying "Vista, Gotta Get Me Some!" Classic.

My Contribution to Annual Top-Ten Lists

I didn't want to be left out of all the list-making going at the end of one year and the beginning of the next.

The year of 2007 brought us some unbelievably inane objects, which blended technology, entertainment, and good old fashioned kitsch. I need to clarify that all of these products are real, and available to purchase. I make no assertions as to their market value or ability to improve your "quality of life".
I'm going to put the links to the products below, but be aware, many of them are not in english and are subject to redirection.

Without further ado, here's my list of

The Worst Tech Gadgets of 2007

#10 Celular Jewelry


Because having a cel phone that cries out your affinity for Fergie's "lovely lady lumps" whenever someone beckons, just isn't annoying enough. Now there is jewelry that will flash and light up letting the world know you are important enough to have a phone call.


#9 Touch-less Paper Towel Dispener


Yes, we are just THAT lazy.


#8 Weather Forecasting Umbrella


I'm going way out on a limb here, but I'm guessing that if you have your umbrella open, you probably already know what the weather is like.


#7 USB Putt Returner


There really is no end to what we can power with the 5 volts that comes out of the USB ports of our computers.


#6 Toshiba Wearable Home Theatre


If you don't have the neck and shoulder muscles of Hulk Hogan, you WILL after watching a movie under this monstrosity. Imagine spending enough time under this thing to watch, say... Lord of the Rings, whew. And yes, I do think that is Jeff Goldblum under that thing.


#5a Toilet Tunes




#5b iPod Toilet Paper Dispenser


This is really a two-way tie. Both of these products will ensure that you don't go a spare minute without your Lynyrd Skynard.


#4 Potty Putter


I was so amazed at this offer, I had to force myself to stop dialing and put the phone down. I mean, it comes with a free "Do Not Disturb" sign!


#3 USB Humping Dogs


All good taste aside, I'm really disappointed that the designers of this gem missed such an incredible opportunity. These could have been designed as flash drives that acted upon the data being transferred over the USB. Talk about "Special Delivery"! Instead, they really serve no purpose other than to defile your laptop through it's USB port.


#2 Virtual Bubble Wrap


I am a huge fan of bubble-wrap. I squish it, step on it, roll on it... wrap myself in it and jump off tall buildings... but the best is simply to pop one bubble every 45 seconds or so, while in the vicinity of someone with a nervous tick. This might be just the device to cure that craving. Imagine being able to pop-pop-pop without ever having to ship or receive any packages.


And the award for the most intrusive use of technology goes to.....



#1 Nabaztag
This creepy little appliance has jumped straight out of an incomprehensible japanese kids cartoon and onto your desktop. It's the perfect loud-mouth accessory for the privacy-optional generation. It Moves! It Lights Up! It Wiggles Its Ears! All to tell you that you have email, or someone "dugg" your Myspace.


USB Humping Dog
iPod Toilet Paper Dispenser
USB Put Returner
Cellular Jewelry
Touchless Paper Towel Dispenser
Weather Forecasting Umbrella
Puchi Puchi
Potty Putter
Toilet Tunes
Nabaztag

It's like stealing candy from a baby.

Mister Rogers, Sesame Street, Electric Company. 

Reminiscent fondness (?, ed.) for these television shows is common now. You can now order DVDs of any or all of these shows.
This can only come to one result; Other than a flash of brilliance, we find that they are mediocre at best, and we begin to realize just how much we candy-coat our memories of these television shows. There was a reason my mother sat me on the floor in front of these shows with a piece of toast and juice and excused herself into the kitchen.

There's one thing about these shows that always had me mesmerized and still does...

The factory tour.
Who doesn't remember the crayon factory tour from Mister Rogers? Brilliant. I suppose this is similar to the construction trucks videos of today.
However, on weekday evenings, I am occasionally transported back in time to when my world was much smaller and I was filled with wonder at how my crayon "became" a crayon. It is as if you are recognizing the lack of divinity on the part of consumer goods, for the first time. Your eyes glaze, your jaw drops, and you stare at the TV in wonder.

No, this is not a rerun of any of those childhood television shows. This is new, and clearly designed to appeal to young and old alike. I'm talking about "How It's Made" on the discovery channel. It's a pre-primetime filler show, amidst reruns of shows that you wouldn't have watched in the first place. But this show is like mid-evening crack, and I'm hooked.

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Here are some cool things that I've seen on that show:
Matches
Motors
Cellos
Bolts
Windsurfing Boards (oddly similar in construction to Cellos)

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Here are some not-so-cool, or downright gross things that I've seen on that show:
Glass (artificial) Eyes
Frozen Pizzas
Tatoos
Sanitary Napkins
Wastewater Treatment
Frozen Fish

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This show is actually produced in Montreal and I am amazed at the access they are allowed at these factories, considering that there are very rarely any brands or company names shown. It also has a certain techno/porn/fusion soundtrack jacka-wacka-jacka-wacka thing that also helps the hypnosis along.

I suppose, on a broader, philosophical level, it inspires me to know that machines will not replace human labor. The amount of manpower it takes to engineer, construct, operate and maintain these robots, conveyers, spinny-things, whirly-ma-jigs, and generally dangerous looking mechanical objects, is stunning. That's not to say, that if these machines rose up in rebellion, we wouldn't be in a heap of trouble.
I hope the machines don't lose their 401k plans, or we're all doomed.

The Original iPod

Apparently, a 1930 inventor had the idea for a sound system you could take with you well before Sony, Phillips, Apple, etc.

Money Quote:

"...may be worn without any convenience to the wearer."

Indeed, just as long as you don't tilt your head more than 15 Degrees. I've seen people in head-gear looking more casual than this. As a bonus, the protruding horn assures that your particular fondness for Spike Jones is enjoyed by everyone.

-Via Modern Mechanics