Best of the Worst Reviews

Below are a just few of the best one-star reviews from Amazon.com. These are reproduced exactly, so I will avoid using "sic".



Great Gatsby

"Gatsby is the miz an and daisy is a sliz to the iz ut. Scott Fitzgerald i wish u were alive so i could kill u. Love DGS!!!"

Wizard of Oz

"the wort movie ive ever seen .I mean they clorized once color tv came out and there special effects are lame ,the costumes are ugly the props are ugly so never buy this film!!!!"

To Kill A Mockingbird

"This book is the worst book in the world. I read half way through the book and gave up because it made no sence"

Casablanca

"I expected a lot more action. I’m pretty sure I will enjoy it a lot more when Warner Bros finally gets around to releasing the colorized version, the way this movie needs to be seen - the world is not black and white, why should our movies be?"
"... Also Ingrid Bergman is no Maryland Monroe."

The Jungle

"Bad book toooo manyyyy words n not enough pitures"
"This book is fun for its first two-thirds, what with the rats and all."

Schindler's List

"Mr. S should stick with kiddie flicks like ET - although even there he was cruel to the actress who performed inside the ET suit."

Moby Dick

"Moby Ick's more like it. A PIECE-O-TRASH! SENSELESS"

Sound of Music

"This movie was made in the sixties, we live in the 21st century, GET OVER IT!"

Huckleberry Finn

"Twain has over used words once again. I wish someone would have told him that it's quality, not quantity."

Lord of the Flies

"Not sence reading the crystal Star and the Black Fleet Crisis Trilogy have i detested a book! If you want the point of the book watch the Simpsons parody."

Lawrence of Arabia

"I am used to seeing movies with fast action or at least a good story. This movie has neither. Some british guy goes to the mideast and fights with turks. The screenplay never explains why he would do that."

Rabbit Run

"Uggh!!! Updike can't write worth spit! This is just pure junk. Not only is it dull, but it's about nobodies. A total waste!"

Singin' in the Rain

"Sorry folks, but this is the biggest BORE-FEST I have ever seen. The plot is cheesy and uninteresting. The acting is old-school ham"
"I have now seen 1 musical so you cant say, 'well you have never seen one' when I say I hate musicals."

Underground Graphics

During a recent vacation to D.C., I was admiring the modern simplicity of the Washington Metrorail system.

The system was originally designed in 1966, so the planners were able to avoid nearly a century worth of aggregated mistakes of subway systems in larger and older cities. The system is a simple 5-line system, each with it's own color, heading in and back out of the city-center.

Having been planned after significant development of the city, the stations are located near population centers or attractions, and have names that match those destinations. Because of this, the residents of D.C. refer to locations as being "on the green line" and destinations are "off the blue line at federal triangle". There is an inherent value to property located "on the red line" for instance, indicating a freedom from everyday traffic headaches.


From an end-users standpoint, however, what really sells the system is the simplicity of the map. It is not a true cartographic representation (it is not-to-scale) and only has scant landmarks shown. Looking at the map convinces you of the value of the system, because landmarks that are not near the system are not shown. You are only seeing what's convenient to the system.

The style of the map was a revolutionary concept when Harry Beck, an engineer for the London Underground System, created his "simplified map system" in 1933.

The graphical simplicity of Beck's design would later influence Massimo Vignelli, when he redesigned the New York Subway map in 1972. In reality, these transit routes were a rats-nest of squiggly, criss-crossing lines that followed the contours of the land. On the map, however, the system was a simple system of lines, never deviating beyond a 45-degree snap, and often running side-by-side in harmony.



On our way back from D.C., I decided on a lark to see what a simplified transit map would look like, if overlaid onto the greater Rochester Metro Area. It was an interesting excercise, attempting to serve the greatest population centers, and landmarks, with the fewest amount of lines. I ended up with four lines running through the center city and back out to a village center. One of the benefits of the Metro system was being able to pop-up in the center of an outlying village, like Alexandria. I tried to apply this concept to the Monroe County Map.


Click on the image below to view a pdf of the the map. The second page is a detail view of the city center.


Click Here to download a map of the routes in Google Earth.

Getting Ready for Opening Day

As the Art Director for the Brick Street Market, we have been feverishly preparing for the grand opening on July 4th weekend.

This shop will be located in the town of Delavan, Wisconsin (about 1 -1/2hrs north of Chicago and an hour south of Madison)

It is going to be a sweet little shop, where you can get your fix of the finest cheeses, and some other gourmet foods, from small farms around the region.

Laura Jacobs-Welch is the proprietor and she certainly knows her cheese.

If you're in the area, stop in and tell Laura, "Gary sent ya" and she will set you up with some of the finest selections of fromage you have ever had.

Truth in Advertising

We went out on a limb this week and tried the "Super Yogurt" at Wegmans.



After all, who am I to dismiss a product called Super-anything?
After a few lunches worth of these, I can say that they taste pretty good, although a bit "zingier" than their other sour milk offerings. I will leave the long-winded reviews to people who know more about yogurt than I. (yogurt-savvy, if you will)

The packaging is a welcome departure from most staid Wegman's branded products, with it's vacuum shrunk plastic casing, made popular by the revolutionary one-off milk bottles in the late nineties.

But it's what's on the top label that is a little disconcerting.

That's right....BILLION, as in three commas and ten digits.
There are 1,430,000,000 of these -whatever they are- swimming around in an 8-ounce tank. This makes sea-monkeys look like a home-school glee club.
It's ok if don't trust me, you can count them.... i'll wait.

This number seems terrifyingly specific to me. After all, once you're over a million, wouldn't it suffice to simply state: "we stopped counting, trust us though, there's a crap-load!"

Not only do six of these containers contain more wigglies than the human race, they only counted the "Live and Active" cultures. So all of the cultures that were too lazy to get up from their recliners and turn off their X-boxes are not on the list.

In fact, I just recently got ahold of the recent micro-biotic census form that was used to calculate this cess-pool. Here are some interesting excerpts:

Question #245:
How long have you been a culture?
Question #654:
Have you recently relocated from another 8-ounce container?
Question #689:
How long have you been in yogurt?
Question #750:
Are you pro-biotic or anti-biotic?
Question #904:
How many thousands of children do you have?
Question #904b:
Are they all in yogurt? (this could really save us alot of time)
Question #1042:
Do you consider yourself "active"?
Question #1042b:
If yes, when was the last time you touched your toes?
Question #1042c:
If no, do you even have toes?

Upon closer inspection, I think that I have traced the source of the afore mentioned "zingy-ness". It can in all likely-hood be attributed to the "beef gelatin" and "fish oil" additives. That sure is "Super!"

Staff Changes

We lost a dear member of our staff last Autumn. Sadie was as good an office manager as one could hope for.


Frank was brought in to fill her sizable paws as office manager. As a ten year old Beagle, he comes with a breadth of experience in office management and human resources. Although he will be traveling occasionally as special envoy to my wife's place of work, the rest of the staff will probably avail themselves to his expertise in conflict resolution.


Henry, meanwhile, has proven his trustworthiness and unflappable work ethic over the past 2 years with us. We are delighted to announce that he has been promoted to Head of Accounts Receivable. Those of you who have had the unfortunate experience of calling the studio during mail delivery time, will undoubtedly recognize his voice. Take our word for it, you will not want to get a phone call from him.


Maggie is the newest addition to the staff. She will be starting out in shipping and receiving, for her probationary period, as Henry trains her to replace his duties as file clerk.

Annual Prognistication

As many of you know, Groundhogs Day is a big tradition here, for many reasons. Not the least of which is that it's a testament to the indomitable American spirit that for one day we ignore all empirical weather data and rely solely on the intelligence and apparent pupil dilation of a small marmot.

Here is this years prediction:

Here Ye! Here Ye! Here Ye!

On Gobbler's Knob on this fabulous Groundhog Day, February 2nd, 2008
Punxsutawney Phil, the Seer of Seers, Prognosticator of all Prognosticators,
Rose to the call of President Bill Cooper and greeted his handlers, Ben Hughes and John Griffiths.

After casting a weathered eye toward thousands of his faithful followers,
Phil consulted with President Cooper and directed him to the appropriate scroll, which proclaimed:

"As I look around me, a bright sky I see, and a shadow beside me.
Six more weeks of winter it will be!"

....and here are some photos from this years event in Punxatawney.

Crazy Fans



Crazy Crowds


Crazy Marmot


As a Penn State Alumn, I must insist that you accept no substitutes. Punxatawney Phil is THE only furry four legged creature with this divine meteorological intuition.

That's Right, We've Moved

We've incorporated our Blogger account into our meager site here on the great "inter-web". Hopefully, this isomerisation will create a page filled with more regularly contributed quips, quibbles, and quirks of life in the design and illustration business. We will be migrating some of our older posts onto the big B and hopefully they will remain chronological. We already feel like we are one small CO2 particle in the growing cloud of inane conversations.

-Gary