Co-opted Yuletide

Is nothing sacred?

It's widely known that the holiday advertising blitzkrieg started early this year. We put our DVR on alert to eliminate any commercials that have glitter, bells, holly, turtle-necks, or Kay jewelry. I'm wondering if I need to reinforce the mailbox to support the incoming onslaught of un-recyclable glossy catalogs.

I suppose in the American Holiday season, there are not enough secular icons of celebration. In order to "sell the spirit" to all mankind, without isolating anyones beliefs, advertisers have to dig deep.*

There are a few things that I think should be off limits to those "Fat Cats of Madison Avenue" this holiday season.

1. You are not allowed to bastardize any portion of A Christmas Story.
(I'm looking in your general direction AT&T, formerly Cingular)
I don't care if you are selling Italian leg lamps with fishnet stockings, or pink fuzzy-bunny one-piece jam-jams. This John Shepherd tale is off-limits to any crass commercialism.**

2. Nothing that even looks remotely similar to a Rankin/Bass animation can be used.
(This means you, annoying Aflac duck)
Not only is this a travesty, but it's just too easy. Did you phone that one in?

A few items, however, have exceeded the Statute of Limitations for advertising appropriations:

1. A Christmas Carol
Have your sinister way with this dusty old rag. Just be warned, she's been around the block a few times.

2. It's A Wonderful Life
Although I am a big fan of Frank Capra's work, it reached market saturation in the mid-eighties. That was about the same time Ted Turner airbrushed it like a little girl smearing lipstick on her dolls, so unfortunately it's too far gone to save. (That's not to say that I would ever miss the George Bailey 5k this year.)

*After all, the only images they have is a type-2 diabetic in a red suit, butchered pine trees being used as fire-traps, smelly socks filled with half-melted candies, sub-orbit, antlered, freight-hauling caribou (I hear one even has nasal rosacea), candles, wreaths... anyway-what I'm saying is that they really are at a loss for secular icons. Give them a break.
**By the way, the house where this was filmed in Cleveland is now a museum.